When it comes to friendship breakups, there’s really no getting around the fact that it’s going to hurt like hell. Worse, they’re actually more painful than an actual relationship breakup. After all, our friends are our rocks. They’re the ones we turn to when the going gets tough—and the ones that celebrate our wins the most. So when a friendship comes to an end, they can make you feel totally lost.
A friendship can be intimate. You and your bestie share everything including the ongoings of your respective romantic relationships. This sort of trusted friendship adds to your identity—you know who you are because of them. In reality, there isn’t much discussion about this sort of topic, so when you’re facing a friendship breakup, you may not know how to deal with it. In fact, we’re expected to get over the end of a friendship quickly since the relationship wasn’t romantic or sexual in nature. False.
A friendship can be intimate. This sort of trusted friendship adds to your identity. You know who you are because of them
The healing process will begin in deep discomfort. In between setting any boundary and feeling awesome about it is a space you’ll want to fill with stories. Steward that season with integrity when it comes to writing the story of that friendship. Honor the fact that both of you are human, that both of you have hurt each other and yourselves, and that both of you need to heal. Allow the space for healing to be messy and remember that all healing happens in an intentional practice of being kind to yourself.
Take the time to turn inward. Ask what you need to learn. Discover the patterns in your relationships that may need to shift, and pay attention to where you need greater compassion. Journaling can be a great tool for this, but resist the urge to write and cling to negative stories that can be destructive.
Journaling can be a great tool, but resist the urge to write and cling to negative stories that can be destructive
Resolve to strengthen your circle of friends by nurturing current friendships and being open to new ones. When one door closes, another opens, and the ostracism won’t hurt as much if you’re constantly getting social cues that you are in fact a good person and a valued friend to the people who still care about you.